Jason Mewes has grown up. Or so he says. From the long-haired, foul-mouthed yet loveable drug pusher Jay in the Jay and Silent Bob films, Mewes admits he has reformed. Slightly.

I had an interview with Mewes last week for an Australian publication. I had to call his house, so I was thinking of singing part of the Jay rap (“Fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand/ If that money doesn’t show then you owe me owe me owe/ My jungle love”) when he answered the phone, but decided against it. Wisely.

He answered all my questions seriously, talked about his relationship with his wife and his friendship with Kevin Smith (Silent Bob), with kind, mature words, then it started to venture into a very strange, yet wonderful Jay-esque territory. Yes, the naughty words and dirty jokes were out in full force.

Here’s a snippet of just what happened when I unleashed the Jay in Jason Mewes – the stuff that didn’t make it to the final article. Wait till you read what did make it. Cue: Jungle Love.

Jason Mewes: I heard that one of the words that you guys like to use [in Australia] is the ‘C U Next Tuesday’ word. It’s used where it’s not a malicious word. It’s like, ‘gimme a hug, you cunt.’ I can’t use it in the street, unless I’m talking about touching a… my own…

Me: Well, I got a reference to that, now all I need is a reference to body paint and fluffy handcuffs and edible undies while we’re at it…

JM: You’re into body paint, edible undies, anal beads and fuzzy handcuffs?

Me: [Laughs]

JM: Maybe body paint can be one of the names we use in the Let Us Fuck* game. I don’t know if I would want to bother eating edible undies. Some of this stuff is quite interesting because it’s quite the process to put in ball gags and fuzzy handcuffs and edible underwear. To be honest, I get a little too excited when I’m about to get naked. I try to skip the foreplay and everything. I don’t know if I have time to incorporate fuzzy handcuffs.

Me: I saw these fluffy handcuffs that were glow in the dark!

JM: Make someone get you the fuzzy handcuffs.

Me: I should get them and the outfit to go with it too, shouldn’t I?

JM: DO IT! DO IT!

JM (continued): Hopefully you come to the show, and you can come up with a good name for Let Us Fuck*, in Zack and Miri, I say “Let. Us. Fuck!” and thought that would be a good name for a game. So you can come up with a name for it, like “Fuzzy Handcuffs Butt Fuck Ass” but you’ll have time to actually think about it.

*Note: Let Us Fuck is a line Mewes says in Smith’s film Zack and Miri Make A Porno. Smith and Mewes thought it would be a great name for a game they play with the audience in their live show, Jay and Silent Bob Get Old (which tours Australia from April 18-28), and that is what Mewes is referring to in the quote above. It’s basically using naughty, sexually charged words strung together that make up a new sexual position; audience members are invited to “act out” the position live on stage.

Me: Do you still collect action figures?

JM: I still collect, but I collect Justice League and Deadshot from Batman. I got a tattoo of him on my leg. I was in Dallas in this tattoo convention and this guy hooked up. I used to be able to put them all over the place and have them everywhere but when you’re living with someone for a long time or married, the wife doesn’t want statues all over the living room so when she has her family over, Spiderman and Batman aren’t standing on a shelf or behind the couch. We’re looking to move into a new house, I’m hoping to have a man cave so I can do what I like. I can hang dildos.

Mascara and Monsters is Angela Allan's blog covering music and mayhem. She's also the founder and editor of Soot Magazine.

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